India/South Asia: ( HBO Hits (India) | HBO Defined) | HBO en Español | HBO GO (Latin America) | Red by HBO 4Īvenue 5 | 100 Foot Wave | Barry | A Black Lady Sketch Show | Back on the Record with Bob Costas | Chillin Island | Curb Your Enthusiasm | Euphoria | Game Theory with Bomani Jones | The Gilded Age | Hard Knocks | His Dark Materials | House of the Dragon | How To with John Wilson | Industry | The Last of Us | Last Week Tonight with John Oliver | Los Espookys | My Brilliant Friend | The Nevers | Painting with John | Pause with Sam Jay | Perry Mason | Random Acts of Flyness | Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel | Real Time with Bill Maher | The Rehearsal | The Righteous Gemstones | The Shop | Somebody Somewhere | Succession | The Vow | We're Here | The White Lotus | Winning Time: The Rise of the Lakers DynastyĪgents of Chaos | All the Rivers Run | Allen v. Latin America: HBO Pack | HBO | HBO 2 | Family | Signature | Mundi | Xtreme | Pop | HBO +ĭivested: BET 1 | Comedy Central 2 | TriStar Pictures 3ĭefunct: Festival | HBO (application) | HBO Home Entertainment | HBO Max | HBO Nordic | HBO España | HBO Portugal | Take 2 Southeast Asia: Asia ( Hits | Signature | Family)Įurope: HBO Central Europe | HBO ( Croatia | Czech Republic and Slovakia | Hungary | Poland | Romania) | HBO 2 ( Czech Republic and Slovakia | Hungary | Poland | Romania) | HBO 3 ( Poland | Romania) | HBO GO HBO ( On Demand) | HBO 2 | HBO Comedy | HBO Family | HBO Latino | HBO Signature | HBO Zone This was the last month of my using.HBO Films | HBO Documentary Films | HBO Entertainment | HBO Enterprises | HBO Kids | HBO Sports How many fucking times are you going to do this to yourself?" The end was soon to come. It could make me forget all my troubles If I could only sleep a little longer maybe I can make this feeling real. He wanted to walk hand in hand with me while I limped and drained and grimaced in pain. The insanity of our routine did not diminish our affection. The blood and the drugs were all part of the relationship. And he would sit with me for hours as I tried to get a hit, switching from syringe to new syringe. I had just left Ben when we met so I was not looking for a relationship. He never passed judgement and he never asked me to do things I wasn't willing to do for drugs. He had been raised by junkies so he took care of me in a way I didn't quite comprehend at the time. We were slowly draining the life from each other.ĭaniel and I were the oddest of couples, yet heroin made everything fall into place. I prayed that he would get better yet I was killing him at the same time. I wished I could just curl up in the bed next to him and watch him sleep. They gave him 10mg of methadone and I gave him three grams of heroin. I kissed him deeply and transferred the balloons into his mouth. His eyes and skin were yellow when I helped him check in there. The only way I could get him to go to the hospital with a raging hepatitis infection was the promise of drugs. He is one to tell me about being careful. I let him fix before I did mine and he is just now feeling it. He is slowly sinking forward at the side of the bed. He said this he brushed the hair away from his nodding face. You are going to lose that leg if you aren't careful". I was living outdoors, I was sick, and I knew this might happen. That day, I did not have the luxury of searching for a vein for two hours. I muscled dope through my pants leg that I mixed with dirty water. A place inside when I could let this wound drain into a loose bandage. When I got the hard core of the infection out, I would clean out the area. I had taken a new syringe and stuck in the middle of the infected area. I was quite the amateur doctor, at least in my mind. The clinic would slice me open and send me on my way with some sterile water and gauze to pack my wounds. It wasn't getting all that red or hard but it hurt to walk. I needed to lance this abscess to get the pressure off. For now, I needed a place where I could take off my pants. Soon, we will have to do the whole thing all over again. We had hustled all day to get the $35 we needed to stay here tonight plus money for dope. I was laying on the bed of our hotel room. That question rang in my mind for a month to come. How many fucking times are you going to do this to yourself?" "Hand me the alcohol wipes" I reach over the bed " this is finally starting to drain"
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